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I'm not okay, I promise

I am not okay.
          You have no idea, honestly,
of what goes on inside of me or
inside my mind during those moments
when I sit quietly or hide myself from
the outside world.



I am not okay.
          You believe I can make it
through anything, but you have
no clue, I am not you, not as
strong-minded as you,
not as brave as you to keep pushing
and moving through everything.



I am not okay.
          I miss my comfort zone,
the feeling of being able to be
numb, to not have to feel anything
at all, where everything just disappears
and even time just stands still.



I am not okay.
          I probably will not make it,
but I promise that I will at least try
so that I can say I gave it my best, and
that I'm not a complete failure in your eyes
even though I know that I truly am,
I truly am a fuck up.



I am not okay, I promise.
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