I'm not okay, I promise

I am not okay.
You have no idea, honestly,
of what goes on inside of me or
inside my mind during those moments
when I sit quietly or hide myself from
the outside world.

I am not okay.
You believe I can make it
through anything, but you have
no clue, I am not you, not as
strong-minded as you,
not as brave as you to keep pushing
and moving through everything.

I am not okay.
I miss my comfort zone,
the feeling of being able to be
numb, to not have to feel anything
at all, where everything just disappears
and even time just stands still.

I am not okay.
I probably will not make it,
but I promise that I will at least try
so that I can say I gave it my best, and
that I'm not a complete failure in your eyes
even though I know that I truly am,
I truly am a fuck up.

I am not okay, I promise.

Comments

Here's my story

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I am you -- you are me. Two halves of the same being, yet completely different. Never here nor there, personalities clash, we fall back. Marching to the same beat, living the same war; living, breathing, and watching others fall -- The casualties all fall down. You and I, we are closer than others. No one sees our bond, no one sees us fight the same battle. Against each other, yet step-in-step, neck-in-neck, through-and-through. Emotions flare, tears fall, words are thrown carelessly. All of this we share with the beat of one heart -- The war of the mind. Silently, the attacks begin. Creeping slowly, wordless, breathless for the kill shot. ...

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